I was skipping across campus the other day, my head in the clouds, when a lovely woman stopped me to admire this 1950’s border print dress. She told me how much she loved the 1950’s style and would kill to wear a dress like that. When I asked if she knew of or would like advice on some great vintage shops in the city, she immediately said, “Oh no,” shaking her head with a self-depricating shrug, “I can’t pull that off.”
Le Sigh.
The world is simply littered with phrases that are dominated by The Cursed Can’t. I Can’t wear that. I Can’t eat that. I Can’t do the things I want because of some arbitrary self-imposted restriction. I think it’s high time we declared a collective war on the Can’t with her lesser known sisters, “Can,” “Will,” and “You Bet Your Arse.”
It breaks my heart to see women every day – strangers and friends alike – creating limitations for themselves and engaging in a constant stream of self-censorship. Waging an ever-present internal battle between what we’d love to wear and what we’ll let ourselves wear for fear of standing out or worse, showing off our bodies before we’ve lost those pesky ten pounds.
Here’s the thing about the word “can’t” – we’re essentially creating limitations whose only sense of boundary is our own self-confidence. There’s a big difference between something you admire on someone else but don’t feel compelled to do yourself versus actively denying yourself the opportunity to feel beautiful because of the parts of yourself you perceive to be imperfect.
Now, I’m all for understanding your body and celebrating the things you love about yourself by choosing certain cuts and styles. There are definitely certain colors or shapes that hide my best features, so I tend towards those that makes me feel the most jazzy. Fitted waists and twirly skirts. Colors and texture and shine and detail. But, do I pull out my pencil skirts now and again? You betcha. Do I dare to go strapless despite my larger bust and rock my highest of heels proudly whilst being 5’9 – you’d better believe it. If I’m feeling like trying the latest trends or pulling out my platform boots, do I pair them with that gingham dress for the dichotomy of it all? Of course!
Fashion is an art form we live our lives in every day – it’s the way that we express ourselves. By keeping yourself away from wearing the things you love – or even the things you don’t know you love yet – you’re actually holding yourself back from opportunity. You’re keeping parts of yourself hidden and are therefore telling yourself you’re not worth it – which sends a message to those around you that they they don’t need to hold you in any esteem.
As the woman gave me one last smile and wistful glance at my dress and walked away, I wondered how many dresses she’s passed in shop windows. How many times she’s looked in the mirror and didn’t notice her beautiful blue eyes or stunning curves, but rather pinched her waist in frustration. How much joy she denies herself because she chooses to exist within the confines of a negative perception of her body. I wanted to race after her and let her know she was worthy of all of the beautiful things. That she should dress the body she has, not the mythical body she aspires to. And that one day, her future self will look back with her wise eyes that tell a thousand stories and wrinkled hands that have waved a thousand goodbyes and will have a thing or two to say about embracing the here and now.
But I didn’t say those things. I stood there, brow furrowed, feeling a bit helpless.
It’s fitting that today is my one month blog-a-versary. Because I started this blog to try to articulate the restrictions that many women in science (and everywhere) put on themselves. To karate chop some of the stereotypes that we permit to dominate. And to remind myself every day that I’m worth the effort. Aren’t you worth it? I say YES.
So, how are you celebrating your worth today?
xoxo
Outfit Details:
Dress: Rainbow Valley Vintage (Similar modern here & here or vintage here & here)
HandBag: Clivedon House Vintage (similar)
Shoes: Seychelles via Amazon (similar here, here & here)
Necklace: Gift from my sister (similar)
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