Rebuilding

This has been a very odd week. Our University has reopened, which brings with it the positives of getting back to a routine and seeing for myself that my students are alright and that my campus community is slowly rebuilding. But, the stress around me is palpable, as we all wander around in a stupor of coming to terms with our new reality and our new surroundings. Trying to stay positive, but falling victim to the shock and subsequent guilt (at how lucky I was) in equal measure. This, coupled with an emotionally charged week where I realized just how far our country and judicial system has fallen, let’s just say I was needing the restorative power of my Sunday best. And nothing says Sunday best better than Juli Lynn Charlot…

I stood in front of my students yesterday, a sea of faces showing a mix of apprehension, stress, and relief that I was standing there and would somehow give them a path forward. And I laid out my plan and assured them that it would be difficult, but that we would get through the semester together. But the irony is, outside of my classroom, togetherness is the last thing I am feeling in light of recent events. The air at the moment is thick with divisiveness, so laden with uncertainty I can barely push through it. Him versus Her. Partisanship. Even within events of my own family I can see battle lines being drawn in the sand from our own miniature wars, with the tide washing them away as new lines form and reform. Crises tend to bring out both the best and worst in people. And my heart feels heavy with the things that divide us.

In the midst of division and turmoil, I’m trying to hold onto the things that give me hope. My sweet husband, who has rubbed my feet this week and let me alternately cry and rage. My community of friends and family, who have banded together in crisis, offering support, hugs, home-cooked meals, and arms to lug boxes to those who needed it. And my sweets students, who asked after my lab and whether I lost any of my research long before they asked about how they would survive the semester.

And it’s these moments that make me believe that good triumphs evil. That we will be able to repair this damage – both from the hurricane and the constant, ever present hatred, misogyny, and ignorance I have seen bubble to the surface more and more these last two years. I suppose it’s very fitting that in two days I am finally, finally getting to see Hamilton on Broadway. A show about the birth of our nation, born from immigrants. The painful process it took to get there. And that things are not always as you dream them to be. As Hamilton himself says, “I’d rather be divisive than indecisive.” And maybe that’s a lesson from all of this – there are so many moments where indecision might be paralyzing, but complacency is no longer an option. And silence is no longer possible.

So I am tucking this most perfect 1950’s vintage Juli Lynn Charlot set into my suitcase as I board a plane for New York. And I will wear it proudly on Friday night, as I no doubt cry my eyes out watching a show I’ve dreamed about seeing on Broadway ever since it opened. Because it reminds me that there are people who took far greater risks than I and built the nation I stand on. And because I fervently believe that there is still so much beauty left in the world, from a perfect appliquéd flower, to a powerful and poignant hip hop musical, to the pure sound of my niece giggling over the phone.

The thing about destruction – both of a town picking up the pieces after a hurricane and of a current society trying to find its footing where it seems only the white, rich, male voices prevail – you find people in the way that they ban together to rebuild. You find your allies, your tribe. You find what you’re made of. And as the thick air clears and I start to see my way through the rubble to what we have to rebuild, I for one am gearing up for a fight.

Sometimes we have to let go of the way things were, to make room for the things to come. I am not throwing away my shot.

xoxo

Outfit Details:
Top: Vintage, OLL (similar modern & vintage)
Skirt: Vintage, OLL (similar modern or vintage here & here)
Necklace: street vendor (similar)
Vintage bag: SassyPantsGrrl (similar here & here)
Shoes: Versace, thrifted (similar here & here)