I’ve noticed an interesting trend lately in the wake of the coronavirus. Now that we’re rounding the corner on a month+ of social distancing (I just did the math and realized I’ve hit 6 weeks of not leaving my house. Holy isolation Batman!), I think we’re all feeling a different kind of stress. The first part was rife with panic – we all went into crisis mode, trying to find our footing in these new circumstances. But, now there’s a new kind of fear: coping with the fact that this is our new normal and likely will be for awhile longer…
We all have different strategies for coping with this new (ab)normal – and one is definitely in finding solidarity. In staying connected and seeking out people with shared struggles. But, I’ve noticed an unsettling trend in searching for our war buddies…which I will call the “I’m suffering more than you’re suffering” kind of mentality. Spoken in subtle comments and actions, inadvertently minimizing someone else’s experience. It started slow. I noticed an offhand comment here and there on a post…all the way to blatant statements of, “This must be so much easier for you. If you don’t have ___________, then you don’t know stress.” Yeah, fill in the blank with kids to classes to rabbits with overbites.
COVID is not a contest people.
I don’t know everything, but here’s what I do know: No one has it easy right now. Healthcare workers are not okay. Students are not okay. The elderly are not ok. Parents are not okay. People who have lost a family member are not okay. Educators are not okay. People with serious health risks are not okay. People who have lost their jobs are not okay. People who spend every day worrying about their small businesses or their employees are not okay. The list can go on and on and on. You are not okay and I am not okay. And that’s okay. It’s important to admit we are ALL not okay.
Truthfully, we are not all dealing with the same circumstances, but that doesn’t mean we are not all struggling. In the divisive culture that swirls around us (especially here in the States), now more than ever I believe we need to fight against the Us vs. Them. The urge to believe that there is only one way to hurt. Or one set of circumstances that wins the trophy for the Hardest Hit. And we need to push hard against the automatic assumption that everyone who doesn’t have our collection of circumstances somehow has it easier. Because I know the areas where I am stressed and struggling, and am also acutely aware of the ways in which I am very fortunate. And I truly believe we can all add items to both columns.
I have to admit – sometimes there’s comfort in imagining a world where if only you didn’t have to deal with X (like that lucky bugger next door), this situation would be so much easier to cope with. But here’s what I try to remember: The person next to me may not be coping with X, which is leveling me at the moment, but they have to deal with Y. And whatever Y is may not be immediately evident in their social media posts, where we all share the bright and shiny. Or their Zoom chat, where they’re putting on a brave face. Again, no one is okay right now.
I was having a good ol’ venting session with my sister the other day, who said something that immediately put this whole situation into perspective: Same Storm, Different Boats (I swear, no matter what she’s going through, the woman always has time to step back and help keep my head from exploding). Same Storm, Different Boats. We are all in this together, coping with the same storm that is wreaking havoc on our previous version of normal. We have different circumstances, different boats we have to steer, different leaks we have to plug. We may be shipwrecked at a different critical moment and feel as if we’re drowning. But we’re still all fighting the same storm – and our collective reality is to hope that the sun peaks through the clouds and we start to see land on the horizon. Because whatever your boat – the storm is still rough.
I guess the moral of this rant that I found my fingers feverishly typing of their own accord, is to try to be a little patient with one another. And with ourselves – to admit that this sucks, and that we have no right to tell anyone else how to get through this. Or to assume our struggles are harder than theirs. Because, what’s that saying? That if everyone threw their problems down into the middle of the room – the minute you saw what others were coping with, you’d be scrambling to grab yours back before anyone else got to them. Now more than ever, I think it’s critical to fight to look beyond our own circumstance.
So, before we derisively scoff at someone’s crafting project, lamenting you just wish you had the time to be so frivolous, remember that craft project might be the only thing keeping her together, because her partner might be a Dr. at a hospital and the crafting is what’s getting her through the 14 hours shifts when he’s away. And before we judge our friend’s FB post on how she’s taking this time at home to be a blessing, consider that she’s saying it as much for herself as for her audience – that maybe her children are driving her crazy and she was just laid off, and she’s trying desperately to hold onto the only silver lining she has. We all have different ways to steer our boats, aiming as true as we can towards dry land.
So speaking of…how are all of you coping? What are your strategies to bob in the waves that are coronavirus? I know in between my madness and stress, I have regressed to watching mind-numbingly bad teen dramas from my high school years and sewing like a fiend when I need to put something beautiful into a world that feels anything but. It’s the only place where I feel safe and in control. Whatever your strategy, I know we have the strength to weather the storm, alone but together.
And maybe – just maybe – we can follow the compass that will carry us safely home.
xoxo
Outfit Details:
Dress: Mill Street Vintage (similar modern and vintage here, here & here)
Necklace: birthday gift (similar)
Belt: ASOS (similar)
Headband: Modcloth (similar)
Handbag: Marie Moreau Co. (similar)
Shoes: Betsey Johnson (similar here & here)
Lip Color: Schiap
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